Category: writing

Memories

Pale,frail,cold and somnolence etched over her wrinkled face.Her dark unforgiveable eyes were drawing me closer to her as it used to do when we were staying together as strangers,years ago.

I couldn’t remember more until she caught my trembling hands and took me to the corner,from where,I could not see her half lit face but could see how the faint street light was playing in abundance over her long flowing overgrown skirt…

Before any words were out I could feel a tangy old slice of a lemon like scent over my mouth and all I could do was leaving the scent spread my unforgiving body and I close my eyes in an anticipation…

It was not that too long that it would seem like a moment of stillness had arrived but the rains had come uninviting causing a strange bereavement.

As she was walking away I know that I lost nothing but my memories, stocked in the corner of my half torn coat,unused and unworn..

Scent…

Gondho churi kore tomar buker majhe ekti chotto til jodi eke dite partam,
tobe hoyto abaro bosonto chhute partam…

( language : Bengali)

If only I could steal a scent and draw a tiny black mole on your fairy chest,
maybe I could touch the Spring,again…

Why do I have to Love You?

In your last letter you asked why do I have to Love you when you are far and unseen.

Why do I choose to love you through words,and yet no signs of our lips meeting for the seasons to come by.

All I can say is nothing but feel your yellow shadows covering the seven seas and painting my unfinished painting of the daffodils.

All I can say is that with you Neruda has come alive again on my chest and a rhythm of an old irish river unfolding in my memories, quaint and near…

Love,Locks,Winds, lil’ drops of rain and those lovely Yellows…

My Love for her has nothing to do with my love for rains….
She resembles so much to the magnolia, i have had for long, swaying, next to my childhood windows.

I remember how my worn out magenta sharpener, holding my faint yellow pencils, used to give away in between and sit tight,
while i used to helplessly look at those swaying magnolias and couldn’t draw their flowing locks,
spreading lil’ drops of water here and there on my tables with the rains over it…

My love for her is borne out of my desire to draw locks, winds, lil’ drops of rain and those lovely yellows,
on my left over, frail white, pages of scrapbook..

Love, Emails & You…

I have gone through your email at least 20 times by now, and a strange leisure gathered my mind and body.

So many things I would want to write to you. So many emotions. So many explanations. So much love…

But I can’t say much. And that’s where I fail. Fail miserably as some time I just cannot talk. Can’t explain. Just get lost in the scent of memories that would make me smile or cry after the rains are over.

Maybe…

Maybe I am not all that human. Maybe I am not that neatly pleated trouser but a silly tiny droplet over the leaves of the fallen magnolia….

Maybe that’s how I will grow yellow. In a want. In a desire to be able to gift my love for all that are yellows and spread….

I want to lift your eyes to my trembling lips and whisper you how real I am. How my faint deep black eyes would caress your bosom with nothing but a fragrance of faith and love which is beyond church or languages…

Maybe I would want to hold you closer to me and just do nothing but see how the cherries are blossoming on your fallen locks…maybe I would want to be your secret diary which would express all the guilts and pains and in return fly away with a huge amount of blue sky and nothingness….

Maybe I am just nothing but a glorious remembrance of how Van Gogh would have desired a daffodil …. maybe I am made to unmake you and make you swim through that vast indifferent oceans lying between us and rest your white wet feet on the chest of my lonely shores…

What are you? Just love! Who are you? Just love! Why are you? Because I am.

Does all these words sounds any vowels to you? Or just a decadent set of verbs lying locks with adjectives?

Whatsoever they are but nothing other than an expression of my deep dark yellow love for you!

I have today posted my love for you in Ello and possibly my faint explanation why it’s you.

Till then a warm lusty love which knows no distance and perfect reasons to be in love….

My Irish Nanny & a Poetry called Childhood…

I never learnt poetry though i lived the first 10 years of my delectable life with my Irish Nanny,Mrs.Donovan. I was trusted to her by a lovely couple who were completely besotted with each other, fairly & squarely: my mother & my father.

Mrs.Donovan was as white as possible and thus soon white became my national colour and the existence of any other colour was anything but not a glorified song sung to her Lord. And this glorious love of her,for white, actually saved me from her Lord. My skin colour was irreparably Brown (and still now)!

And now going back to about my inability to learn poetry was more to do with Mrs. Donovan’s immaculate love for White & the fundamental white verses sung in the praise of her Lord. If any other verses could come in between was the grim fat book, filled with thick,fearful words invented by Henry and Frank Fowler. If i had been a referee would have surely concluded their acts as a Foul. But in front of Mrs.Donovan i was nothing more than a hapless fowl!

Now to cut the long and arduous story of my childhood short, Mrs. Donovan was the real reason behind most of success and failures. Success for being able to grow a distaste against the sermons of her Lord and a deep swirling joy for the Santa. For that matter the taste for wintry winds and fallen twigs were also planted in me by my sacred Nanny. She was also the reason for my lifelong failure in declaring a state of war with the Scots!

How could i treat the Scots as an enemy when all they did was make me taste the sacred harmony of malted barley and oak loved spirits, resulting the arrival of the 5th note of Chopin in my otherwise less humorous flesh? But i still consider my loyalty for her was far more than weighed.And just do not become rude enough to question me on that, now.

I remember sleeping on a white bed with white window curtains and white napkins to swipe my clean face during suppers. I remember not asking her the reasons behind so many colours the Butterfly exuded. I also remember listening to the same old stories from The Lost Tales of Fionn Mac Cumhaill all summers and a part of winter. Rains were the most busiest part of Mrs.Donovan’s life and my chance for freedom.

When Mrs.Donovan was busy cleaning all that was white and cursing the arrogant rains for making her life miserable, i was all busy tip toeing out from the white door to the sloppy backyard filled with mud and croaks. The incessant rains were the reason for my curiosity towards otherwise hidden words in that fat grim book. My chance meet with wet grasses unfolding the colour of Green and the wide open mud showing me what black was all about, made me learn the most non pacifist word in my life:Desire!

And Dia duit, Mrs. Donovan was not at all prepared for the coming Autumn and i surprised her completely by asking her about the colour of the fallen birch leaves!

Her looks were pale, as if the question had taken away all her whiteness and a certain fade glow of some colours, unknown to me, were returning on her faint white cheek. I could see a quaint shadow of light fluttering through her pupils. Her dry lips were half opened as if to taste the rains. But the rains were no more. The winter was about to come.

As we were returning towards home, she held my weak brown hands with her fair hands. For the first time i noticed how frail her hands and how nimble her veins were. Just we were about to enter the bend that housed our home, she looked at me and stopped. With her deep Corrib like voice she said: I will never like to feel the days of Long War, again. I want you to grow in Peace. I want you to know that Poetry and everything about Poetry and colours are not so happy my dear. They smear Red all over the houses your loved ones stay. I know you will not understand me now but when you will do know i have always prayed to HIM such that you can never grow up, writing poetry. Writing about Freedom…..”

Mrs.Donovan i have failed you. With all my love for you could not help me stop writing Poetry! With all my grave loyalty towards you i could not save myself from the Red colour flowing out of my slowing heart. If only you could see how all the houses of Ballymurphy are no more old and in vain….Gerberas are without any stains of the Long War and Daisies are dancing in joys!

If only i could have you with me a lil’ more than my childhood and make your bed with cloudless white…..

Eccentricity of English as a language…

Almost every languages in the spoken form has its unique manners which is quite amusing however with English it goes an extra mile…

Absurdity is found profound in the written form, in English, as a language. These virtues makes it the King amongst all the living and dead eccentric languages found in this brave earth. And thus I unashamedly say: God Save The King!

Some academics refer English as a language for the commoner but I find it just so blue. Just so Eccentric. It is such an amazing experience at times how my English, which border lines between my nativity and my borrowed knowledge from the native English speakers, plays an unnecessary havoc around me :):) And believe you me when I go back and try to find the right reasons behind my unintentional effect, I find grammatically and thematically there were no wounds inflected upon the language.

So I ask Webster (as Oxford is lying very low nowadays as a result of poor economic and political performance) about the reasons behind the toils my language is causing around me. And I find a blank page, for a while, and then redirecting me to a Google page asking me whether or not I would like to refer a Cause & Effect diagram?

Not so strangely I go on searching for the inadequacies of my language resulting to various results including a reference of a grand book on “India & a colonial expression of Iffs’ butts’ andd’ horn ok’ & His Masters Language.”

I think I was readying to believe that my trust on language as a whole was far more than it was actually meant to be, when I stumbled upon the theatre of ridicule, aimed at specifically English as a language. And here it goes for you to have a few laugh,and pat your back for not being too insensitive when you are accused of it, at different situations,if you have not grown up as an English or reading fantasy stories in English.

(I know it hurts more in romantic liasons where both of them do not dream in English forget talking)

But ya some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English:

o The bandage was wound around the wound.
o The farm was used to produce produce.
o The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
o We must polish the Polish furniture.
o He could lead if he would get the lead out.
o The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
o Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
o At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
o When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
o I did not object to the object

Throwback’ Stories…

I was always this curious about the mad rush of ‘Throwback Thursdays’ in social media until I figured out its a way to share one’s images from the spinning wheel, only anticlockwise…

And from there my whole idea of Throwback Stories’ gave birth. And guess what it all started from a so called dating platform called ‘Tinder. I was never serious enough about finding anyone forget sharing stories in a site called Tinder’ and that too when I am only 3 days old in that site.

And yet it happened. Miraculous or accidental but it just happened that I met a lovely soul with whom I started sharing my childhood stories than dating. But ya someone needs to tell me that what dating is and how it is done in these kind of social platforms.

We were talking about rains and how absence of rains was making life thirsty and irritating. Now Mumbai as a place is known for rains and such beautiful lush rains that legend goes even a steel object mellows down and makes a romantic illusory move. Haha haha. ..figment of imagination right? Oh ya Mumbai rains does this!

And now it’s the beginning of June and yet no trace of rains. In this time usually all the umbrellas generally starts going out for romantic trysts with rains and mists across Mumbai. So my Tinder lady was telling me how impatient and rude her umbrellas ( ya you need to keep a stock of 2 at least ) were behaving nowadays…

And all of a sudden it reminded me of my childhood and I started wondering how my  rains were during those times…

I remember a large wooden house,lush green tea gardens , frail lil brooks, deep jungles ,tall dark mountains and so many different colours of skies…

It was a quaint Lil ignorant tea estate of my grandpa, next to a river called Jayanti. And i tell you that She was one heck of a river.

During winters slow and glimming with shimmers and allowing all tiny and big creatures to cross her chest and play with her flowing locks. But in the summer and that too with the rains, she used to grow mighty and expand her width so much that even the Big Babus ( Babu is referred as Gentleman, in my language ) , which were Elephants, used to be fearful about her.

I used to hear the tribal Madols( a sort of drums) warning the entire landscape about the way Jayanti was behaving. When the sound was slow and musical, like ‘drim- drim- drim’  it meant Jayanti was peaceful and when the sound used to grow at random speed and sounded like ‘drim drim drim drim drim’ it was time to become wary and cautious and it meant that Jayanti was starting to behave furious and an imminent overflowing could be a possibility. And immediately I could see the rush, as the workmen and women used to start coming over to the house and a distant chaos was noticed, everywhere. There were those dim ‘Kupis’ ( Kupis means small lights made out of kerosene and old glass bottles) moving hastily as the rain was so incessant and hazy that the nights were darker and nothing could be seen than the moving dim lights coming out of it…

So the entire family with 12 aunts, 5 Uncles, 6 elders, 7 housemaids, gardeners and drivers my Grandpa and Granny would rush to the nearest hill top, where a temporary out house was already built to avoid the overflow of Jayanti.

I could remember the dark jungles were shrouded with the sound of Madols and Tribals, as we were escorted to safety. A Lil boy in me used to love the moving lights of Kupis going up and down and making the stories of fairies coming alive….

For me rains were fun. It was a time to catch those mighty toads otherwise hidden. Time to catch those fiery green and beige colored fishes as they started coming over to the courtyard from the river. Time to make the paper boats and race them against each other. Time to avoid school and eat my granny’s mouth watering Khichdi ( a dish made up of rice and lentils) with lots of fried fishes and fried vegetables. Time to listen ghost stories and shreek at the slightest shadows available….

The most memorable time was to walk up to those watery forest and see how those rabbits playing without any fear, as the foxes were not so happy with rains and thus chose to remain away from hunting.

I remembered how ‘Mangla’ my tribal friend from the nearby village, used to take me deep inside the tea estate and find the tasty cloud shaped mushrooms and small baby fishes trying to swim away from their parents and home. We both used to give name to those fishes and tried summon them at the slightest opportunity, and act as their masters….

And as the Shankhs – coch shells, used to play the ending of the day, remember rushing to our home with teary eyes only to promise that the morning will come sooner. Sooner than we believed, with the rains all over us.

Never realised until now that my childhood rains actually went far too deep. Deep within my body and never to go away. I can still smell it’s scents and can still hear her dances all around me. Have I grown old?

Who says! Let the rains come and you will know how my childhood opens up its magical wings and wet you too with its magnificent colours. Some say Colours of Love…

In Praise of the King…

Long live the King!
Long live the King!

Let the plagues come and let the cholera sing,
Long live the King!
Long live the King!
And of course Long live the King!

Let the scarecrow fly and let the black Crow eat your eye,
Long live the King!
Long live the King!
And of course Long live the King!

Let us all starve to die and let the rivers go dry,
Long live the King!
Long live the King!
And of course Long live the King!

Let the arms are high and as much we can buy,
Let the war song sung and millions of deads sigh,
Long live the King!
Long live the King!
And of course Long live the King!